mixed feelings… ><

woohoooo my blog is dead again hahaha im here to make it alive… for now?? hehehe.

tmr i will be going to kuching to find d. hmmmm, intially was very looking forward to the trip. but now, both my gugus are also going with me. due to this, we so called quarreled =x as in me and my gugu. hais. not that i dowan them to follow. but…. just feel that this isnt the right time? but they do not seem to understand though.. so what can i do?? hais. all i can say is that i was so so so disappointed when i heard what my da gugu said. wowww. tmr will be meeting them at the airport first to eat bf. dunno how will it be. awkward? hope not though..

just read my bro blog. one of his entry, he was saying abt our parents.
“She hardly meet me, about 1 day per week.
That day, i went up the arcade. While i was on the escalator, i saw her waving for me to come back. I did not go back and went to play.
During the time when i was playing, she was all alone.
At that moment of time , i was still young and did not know anything.
So, coming to think of that, what i did was totally saddening.
I must have made her felt upset.
She might be wishing to talk to me but did not have the chance to.
I felt guilty.”

when i read this, i dunno why i felt my heart sink also. and suddenly, i miss my mama so so much… once again… she is always thr for me. anything i can just share with her and talk. she will listen and respond. she is very understanding. and no matter how bored it is for her, she will always just sit there and wait for us to finish playing.. i guess all she wants is to see us and have our company? like what my bro say, we were young and do not know anything. i did not understand her feelings. i was also too ignorant to realise that she is going to leave us soon. i really didnt catch any signs. and i hate myself for that. maybe ppl can say- even u know, u also cant do anything ah. but maybe at least i can talk to her and tell her we need her?? hais.

i still rmb our last outing. its on a sunday if im not wrong. we went to ws and then to pasir ris town park to watch ppl fish. when i was in sec one, i wasnt sensible and kept asking what time are we gg home and stuff. dan my mama say okayy dan we go home ba. dan we took 88. when reaching she asked me- shld i get down also dan go find ah yang? dan i say up to u lo. i never knew she was trying to say shld i find ah yang? for the very last time… dan she got down and we sat thr to look at my bro play bball. my bro didnt come over to talk to my mama. when my mama got up to leave she kept waving to my bro saying byebye.. and i went home also. mon night, i was preparing for my exam. maths i still rmb. my mama called. she talked and talked. but i jus oh oh oh. like very fu yan. dan when she say k la u go study byebye. i said bye and she said bye again and again and again. for many times til i gt frustrated and hang the phone first. never do i know its the last time that i m gonna hear my mama. went for exam and aft exam wanted to go eat mac with friends. a phone call comes.. and everything jus came straight to my face. mama is gone. and i totally have no clue abt it before that. what a failure huh..

i really miss you alot mama. i really dunno whr and when can i ever see or talk to you again. and i also dunno who to speak to when i miss you so much. so i figure out that i can still talk to myself in this blog space. whenever i work, when i see mamas having a meal with their daughter. without fail, i will think of you and i will start to get teary again. i really miss u alot. other than ah yang now, i guess i do not have any other close family. i want u back mama. i regret not cherishing the times we used to have last time. i miss when u call my name and smile. i miss it when u cook noodles and chix wing for me jus bcos u know i love it. i miss it when u bring me out and then talk abt everything and anything. i miss it when u joke and laugh with me. i miss it when i lie on ur shoulders on bus rides. i miss it when u hold my hand when im afraid. i miss i miss i miss. i really miss u mama. almost 6 yrs alr. but every moves and smiles and memories of u still remain so so fresh. i love you.

anw, i hope i wil have a pleasant trip to kuching. and i hope my gugu will keep her words.

sometimes i wonder. but argh. i dunno. im afraid i guess.

end of internship!

hello hello!
i have finished my internship. but im still workin! lolol! ot and also, aft tt will be returning as part timer. hahaha.

recently watched two movies, spy nx door by jacky chaN and another horribly lousy movie- daybreak. spy nx door was veryyy nice and funny! hehehe. despite how tired i was, i think i didnt fell aslp hehe. as for daybreak…. I SLEPT 3/4 THROUGH THE MOVIEEE -__- hahaha tts how boring the show is. i totally dunno whats the show abt or talkin abt. d slept halfway thru too. hahaha!

today’s work was busy busy busy. and they say today is jus a warm up. aft work went eat mac with d. dan walked ard fairprice hahaha damn funny! dan aft tt went home and weee! aft so long, my first aftnoon nap !! :D:D hehehe,.

tmr will be more to come. and tmr dan is the real terror. hahaha! will finish work at noon, dan aft tt gonna do proj with hui juan and cynthia.. at national lib. hehe.

and sch is opening. and my portfolio is still left untouched. tmr tmr ! hehe. but b4 tt will be pei-ing cynthia to dye hair first. i also wanna dyeee! haha!

and my dearest ong ong is comin backkkkk on thurs!! gonna go jie her dan go her hse stayoverrrr :D gonna do lotsa catching uppp! cant wait cant waitttt!!

hello hello!

whoaa.. its being so long since the last time i blogged. haha! but my life recently is just work work work. ot ot ot. past few weeks, I have been having one off day only instead of two. but but! maybe nx week will be my last week of internship!! haha. mixed feelings though.

caught a few movies recently. the most recent one will be the sherlock holmes. haha, many said its nice. but but.. i fell asleep during the show. hahaha. aft waking up, I tried to focus on the show, but mmm i think there’s too much talking and their ang moh i dun rly understand hahaha. also watched avatar!! omggg niceeee!! but gt one part i fell aslp too haha! but its because im rly tooooo tired ><

my new yr eve was spent in gh. i worked from morning 730am to the nx day 2am omggg… dan miss the firework watching with ock&friends. anw, the countdown at gh was not bad too, those ang moh dance and dance made the atmosphere sooo woots! and I managed to see a lil of the fireworks. but cant hear the pomp pomp sound though dan we opened champagne. and ahh i very lousy, drank only one glass whole face red and walk til abit not straight alr. hahaha. when they ask me do sth, I took so long to react and understand what they are trying to say. =x

and ah omg i very long nv eat medi alr, my face pop pop pop soon (((

and waaa the M at my work rly make me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. bu kaixin. everytime during work, have or dun have also scold, say. dan wa keep asking me personal questions. at first i still dunno her pattern when she ask me things i gt ans. one worst mistake is i told her when she ask abt my family. and you know what she do???? she went to ask D- ehh biyin family background lidat u wun mind meh? when D say no, she still say huhh why dun mind, some ppl will mind one lehh. dan still say wa yuan lai u so shui bian one ah? WA OMGGG I WAS SOOOO ARGH WHEN D TOLD ME.

anw, today during work i made a BIG BIG mistake. gt scolded and i feel bad to my manager and i rly hope it will be settled. this thing totally spoiled my day today ytd worked til midnight and today started work at 730. was so blur and all. aft tt went eat with D dan walked ard tpy. aft tt i 88-ed home. dan wa dunno what happened, soooooo long to rch pasir ris. abt 2 hrs plus lidat?? dan went walk ard ws alone to buy some stuff. dan went eat pasta mania at dt. eating alone and walkin ard alone rly allow me to think abt many stuff… many many stuff on my mind. but i cant seem to put it in words. hais. lol.

andddd!!! tmr!! classroom session!! the main and happy point is can see my ock&friends le!!! :D may be going sing aft tt :D woohoooooo! cant wait to see them!! and i miss you ong ong, rat and kyyy! wanted to meet ky today, but she was at ms and aft eating my pasta i felt so tired and stomach pain so i went home le. =x

:(

today my hostess captain, M say this to me
“can you stop laughing and all? you are behaving like an idiot.”
“grow up, be more mature and stop laughing and all”

for a few times, she imitated the way I talk to guest on phone. so who is the immature one here?

S asked me to help him call engineering to come up fix the system. she said: “engineering today close” so i took it for real and turn to S and say ehh engineering close. and M immediately say: “you ah, shouldnt be so gullible and believe whatever people tell me. but hello???? how am i supposed to know that you will be so childish to come and joke ard abt this when ppl are talking about work. and as a result, S also think i very dumb and say: biyin, in order to be a good hostess, you have to know how to react fast and be focused. woww, thanks to you two, you spoiled my entire day.

then M was talkin abt tattoo. dan i jus randomly asked dan do u have one? she was like ya have at below. -_- actually i do not believe it, I jus like is it? dan she immediately say: you really idiot leh! dan immediately turned to my supervisor, R, and say ehh she very idiot lehh lidat also believe me..

at that time, i really felt pain in my heart. do you know me well? do you think you have the right in saying that I am immature? do you know that you are hurting me when you say that I am an idiot? as usual, my eyes got teary. but this time, I fought back the tears so hard. i dun wanna let her see me cry, for i know she will mock at me again.

many many more days on shift with her. God bless me.

bdaysss! :)

woots! recently, celebrated 2 friends’ bday! first one is my dearest rat rat!! :D hahah! the 2nd celebration. first was with yj. 2nd one with sr and kyy! :D on the actual day itself!

had dinner at some jap restaurant in ion orchard! omgg the food thr is omg de nicee! :D and not too exp as well! :D

THE BDAY GAL!!

shirui and ky!

aft tt, sr and ky left wheile me and rat went wandering ard looking for some nice place to chill but.. ahh everywhr is so full. so we ended up in dunkin donut. haha! drink chit chat. dan home sweet home!

and, on fri! celebrated ira’s bday at the hk cafee! haha! right aft work, aft midnight. had cheesy baked riceee yumm haha! dan cabbed home with cynthia.

today’s work was okay except the part when the supervisor tole me tt i will only have one off day nx week (((((( hais. and on one of the night i even have to work alone. oh my gosh. i wonder if i can survive tt night! God bless me please! hehe.

tmr! which is later on! will be meeting my lovely ock and friends at somerset! to watch 2012!! ong ong! lp will pass u pirated soon HAHAHA! miss youuu!
kk gonna bath and sleep nowww.. yawnnnn ~ wan an!!! :D

letting go…

ytd! went nyny with rat and yj to have an early celebration of rat’s bday! haha! nice catching up and talkin! and great food! but i cant finish my food though, must be the sushi i had with sabrina earlier on haha! this fri will be meeting up with rat and ky for her actual bday celebrationnn!!! :)

me and my rat!

3 of us!

watched sister’s keeper with tin and cynthia today! cry like dunno what. haha. touching movie. some parts of the movie rly touch my heart. theres a part when the mama shaved off her hair jus to make her daughter (who lost all her hair due to chemo) feel better and have the courage to go out. how many ppl can show such unconditional lovee??

*when u get on the bus, sit on the left by the window, so that when you look back, u can still see me.. there..
*what if i wanna find you, but i can’t find you?
*i’ll be waiting

(cant rmb the actual words though )

my sister's keeper!

ahhh.. a great great moviee! which shows all about love and letting go.. MUST-WATCH MOVIEE!

and today ahyang said : “anything jus call us, we’ll help you..” at that moment, my heart felt so woww.. i love my bro!

anww, looking forward to sat!! can see my dearest ock&friends alr!! :D

mc sunday =x

today was supposed to go work. but i woke up with a very bad migraine and so i decided to not go work and take mc =x hope the ppl wun think i fake mc one, though i think almost cfm that they will think so. but.. hais.

last night, aft work, went meet daniel, huiyu and her new bf to sing ktv at park lane. cheap cheap dan aft tt huiyu and her bf went home, dan went ps to eat teppanyaki! niceee! dan daniel went work while i headed home.

anwww! aft feelin better i went out to see doc. dan took mc. dan met tin at bugis! ahh felt so bad =x kos she very early jiu rch le. met at iluma, dan off to arab street!

went to a cafe thr (forgt what name) and had meatballs and rootbeer float! mmm, ikea meatballs are still the best!!

dan walked ard and took pictures. haha! really like two tourists. tin is more like a singaporean dan me! kos she’s the one leading all the ways hahaha! she even asked me if im sure im a singaporean hahaha!

dan went junction and bought some necessities. dan jiu walked ard, and went take neoprint!! hahaha! its been so so long since the last neoprint i took. haha! think the last one i took was with ock during yr 1! haha! i miss those days (

dan walked ard.. slack slack.. dan tin needa go home le kos she on mornin shift on mon.

dan a last min meet up with tpz! chat chat at my hse there de coffee shop! lol! when rch home, ahhh! secret is showing on channel U!! niceeee! watched the last 20 mins abt it! cant wait to see jay during dec with yingying!! :D heee!

whens my next off days??? :(

today is my 2nd day working morning shift. you know what time i have to wake up?? 330AM! omgg la what a timing. okay, so is my hostess life getting better??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO…. sad to say. hais.

my supervisor has sensed the change in me as I always look stress, troubled and scared.. she even sat down and talked to me. so she say she will let me try for another week and dan see how if i will remain or be changed back to being the waitress. and I really pray hard tt I will be back as the waitress. Im really happy that way..

today morning damn scaryy! a ang moh came to me and ask me to bring him up to his room, saying tt he had forgotten his way. so I wanted to bring him to the GRO, dan the FO gal came and went to ask a male collegue to bring him up. when she go over and ask the guy collegue to come, he still ask me shhh to bring him up the room secretly. im like LOL KONG BU! and when the guy colleuge came, he still said he want me to bring him up instead and he’s holding liquor on his hang. omg la. so early jiu drunk zzz!

sooo sian. my off days for these week are gone. mon and tues. mon went to vivo for lunch with daniel and slack dan went dhobby ghaut. dan night time met yingying for dinnerrr!!! woots!!! porridge dinner!!! veryyyy niceeee! and yingying treat kos she say her wallet very fat now hahaha, feel so bu hao yi si =x nx time my turn to treat ok!!

tues went out with hui juan cynthia! met at orchard. hai rong, david and leslie joined as well. dan, david left, hui juan left, leslie left. left me and cynthia and hai rong. dan went bugis! bought qt many stuff=x=x haha! but pay day ma hehehe! dinner at billy bombers, one for one treat. yum yum :D

tmr will be watching MJ movieeeeeeeeeeee :D hope gt seats !!

WHEN IS MY NX OFF DAY???? (( soon pleaseeee !!

once again..

today was on night shift again. and i felt so so sian by the end of the day. initially was ok. til the end of the night. she  raised her voice at me in front of everyone and claiming tt she taught me for the 4th day alr (whereby i only worked for the 3rd day), and claimed that she taught me tt thingy le whereby im veryyy sure she didnt. wow. and i cried. sounds lousy me. but i rly cant take it. i tried to fight back the tears. but failed.

i feel so tired and i rly wish tt 22jan will come soooon.!

i miss sch days. i miss rat. i miss ky. i miss ock&friends. i miss mama.

good night! i rly wish tmr will be better!!

happy day with ock! and back to work tmr :(

met up with ongong jimi lp and reuben ytd!

met with ongong at tamp first! bought my working shoe and a dress! wee!! and ongong omgg she spent a bomb again hahaha! dan jimi came and we mac-ed and talked while waiting for lp come. dan popeye-ed! :D loveeee popeye and its now at century squareeee!! :D woohoooooo!! :D

dan went ehub and reuben came soon! dan arcade-ed and i gt 4th for daytona for 2 times ! HAHAHA! they were saying how i get my license one. but its different ma!! haha!

watched 500days of summer. totally not what we expected. we expected it to be funny and stuff. dan ahhh.. all falling asleep ahhaha!

the only thing tt made us awake is the soundtracks and the guyyy! hahahah very cute and gt wei dao! :D haha!

wanted to chat aft the movie but we were all tooo tired haha! cabbed home tgt with them! and gd night.

today, boring stayed at home. actually wanted to go over to ongong’s. but end up waited for my cousin to come back open door for her til too late and kos ong ong gotta go out at 7+. so end up slept. now waiting for 10pm to meet ky for dinner+supperrrr :D gonna eat pig trotters! tt will be my 2nd dinner HAHAHHA!

back to work tmr. God bless me !!!

and i needa apply my license asappppp.. kos it rly will get expired